Mad Scientist Road Trip
Step One: Stop Summoning Dinosaurs Recording device switches on, the sound of cars on the wet road. ???: Do Y'all need a ride!? Alice: ...yes? ???: Wait a sec. Your not a fair folk, right? Alice: No. Why would you think that? ???: Your nose is green. Alice: Oh. uh... How many fair folks have you accidentally given a ride? ???: More than you would expect. About five? Alice: More than expected. The sound of the device being dropped Alice: Why did you just make me catch stale bread?! ???: It drives off fay. Alice: It drives off most people. ???: Does it drive you off? Alice: Sadly… no. Getting into a car. ???: Alright. Have you been recording this? Alice: How did you know? ???: You're carrying a small tape recorder. Alice: Yeah. I’m doing a podcast about my road trip, mind if I record? ???: I guess not. Alice: This is Alice Matin reporting, and this is Mad Scientist Road Trip. ???: You're a mad scientist? Alice: Suppose so. I’m a Pyrologist. ???: ...a pyrokinetic? Alice: NO! ???: I know! Sorry. Just trying to make y’all laugh. *Sheepish laugh* Alice: Oh. Right. Sorry. ???: No apologies. Fire scientist? Alice: Yep. What about you? ???: ...I’m not a mad scientist if that's what you're asking. Alice: What’s with the skeleton rat then? ???: MAX! What did I tell Y'all?! Alice: Ah... ???: Oh, sorry. Max is my rat. Alice: *worriedly* You do realize it is a skeleton? Right? ???: Yes. His full name is Maxilla, a maxilla is the upper jaw bone? Alice: How is it moving? ???: ...I guess I’m what y’alled call the ultimate recycler. Alice: What? ???: Reduce-> Reuse -> Reanimate Alice: ...necromancer? ???: Well, more like a practitioner of Necromantia. But yes. Alice: “America may have great poets and novelists, but she never will have more than one necromancer.” ???: Necromantīa. Alice: What’s your name, nercormancer? ???: I’m sorry. I can’t tell you. Alice: Why not? ???: I’m cursed. Alice: Oh, come on. That is not a good enough reason. ???: WHAT? It is a good enough reason . Alice: Can you write it? ???: umm… well… ugh... Alice: Can you write? ???: Yes! Alice: So why don’t you write it? ???: On what? Alice: Your head? That way everyone knows your name. ???: And that ghost can feel like a ninnyhammer! Alice Ninnyhammer? ???: Ninnyhammer. Alice: Ninnyhammer. Ok then. ???: Please turn that off, I have been embarrassed enough today. Alice: Who else embarrassed you? ???: I got kicked out of a funeral museum, failed to please a ghost, threw stale bread at a goblin (sorry), need I go on? Alice: Fine. Can I at least turn on the radio? ???: Sorry, but no. Alice: ....OK. Why not? ???: You are far more likely to die if the radio is on, and I don’t want to file the report if Y'all die. Alice: Ok. Respectable. ???: Oh, you're doing it anyway. Alice: I’m part of a whole “Mad Science Podcast Group” and Majesty’s got a real radio show! ???: Wait who is “Majesty”? Alice: A shapeshifting, South American god with a passion for 30s women’s fashion. ???: ...and he is part of a mad science podcast collective. Along with you. Right.